'Wifey' reeks of 1950s upper-class twittery

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He was good-looking, sharp with repartee and magnetic. At first, he was popular but as we got to know him better, his nasty side emerged.

The first serious misgiving came when we overheard him chatting with one of his mates, bragging about his new girlfriend. "She's a 10," we heard him say over and over. "A real 10."

The second misgiving came when we pulled him up, explaining that rating women according to their looks was offensive. He didn't get it. It's a compliment, he pleaded. It's meant ironically, he sighed heavily, like a chastised six-year-old.

Trouble was, he was well into his 20s and should have known better. He was enlightened in so many other ways but ranking women was his blind spot. He couldn't see it was behaviour that not only diminished women but made him a lesser person, too. None of us was surprised the new relationship didn't last.

When the prestigious Yarra Valley Grammar School expelled two students for ranking girls on a spreadsheet in categories descending from Wifeys to Cuties to Mid to Object to Get Out and, finally Unrapeable, I should have been shocked but wasn't. It was depressingly familiar.

According to the principal, considerable effort is made to teach respect in the co-educational school but for these Year 11 boys it was clearly not enough. Most of the disgust they've attracted is over that last category, Unrapeable, and for good reason. Its implied sexual violence is horrifying.

But I also found myself dry-retching at the top category, "Wifey". Presumably, these boys have mothers. Are they known in the family home as "Wifey"? Do the fathers refer to "Wifey" when gathered at the hockey sidelines on a Saturday morning to watch their sons play? Where do the boys pick up words like "Wifey"? "She's a 10" was bad enough. "Wifey" seems to have bubbled out of a 1950s misogyny swamp. It reeks of undiluted upper-class twittery.

Speaking about the Yarra Valley Grammar spreadsheet, consent education advocate Chanel Contos was not surprised, either. She's railed loudly and courageously against the deep current of misogyny and sense of male sexual entitlement flowing through the elite private school system.

That same system produces a disproportionate number of the country's future leaders, from politicians, captains of industry, judges and public service mandarins. That's why attitudes forged at these expensive and privileged schools must be aligned with contemporary values.

Yarra Valley Grammar's principal acted quickly to remove two of the offenders from the school and refer the grotesque spreadsheet to police. I suspect the school also needs to educate parents as well as its students about toxic attitudes towards women.

We have known for decades that private schools receive a disproportionate amount of taxpayer funds from federal and state governments. And we have seen disturbing evidence of the same private schools being years behind the rest of society when it comes to attitudes of gender equality and respect.

The low point came when the principal of the elite Cranbrook school in Sydney was forced to resign when it was revealed he'd kept a teacher on staff despite knowing he'd sent explicit emails to a former student he'd taught at another school.

And we saw the sublime morph into the ridiculous after another Sydney private school, Newington, announced it would go co-ed. Bawling their eyes out for the TV cameras were old boys outraged their alma mater would accept girls after being single sex for its entire existence.

It was another tantrum worthy of six-year-olds and proof that even the most expensive education doesn't guarantee boys will grow up.

HAVE YOUR SAY: How much can schools do to foster respectful attitudes towards women? Do parents need to step up more to ensure their sons are respectful? Should private schools use public funds to run respect programs rather than build more tennis courts? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au

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THEY SAID IT: "In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards." - Mark Twain

YOU SAID IT: We take it for granted but press freedom underpins democracy. And some of our allies treat it with contempt.

Lee writes: "Press freedom is essential to a robust community. We need something to combat the lies (mis/disinformation) we get from social media that people believe without question. I was horrified when the AFP raided the ABC journo and I am also very concerned about whistleblowers ending up in court or jail. We need people who are willing to tell, listen and document the truth. It helps to keep 'the bastards honest'."

"Press freedom is extremely vital for any country," writes Margaret. "Unfortunately, in Australia most of our media outlets are owned by Rupert Murdoch and Kerry Stokes. Both extremely right-wing and they control and manipulate what gets reported and the narrative. Our politicians pander to them to stay in power. In the end people vote against their own interests and we have ended up in a big neoliberal, unequal mess because of this."

Anita writes: "Hard to give justice to this article in a few pithy sentences except to say, bravo Norway! Maybe we'd be better served with an English translation? Not that reasonably factual content is impossible to find but it involves searching and much time in the day devoted to the process. I do my best and have a range of sources I'm prepared to consider as true (more or less). I look at the rest with a jaundiced eye, trying to read behind the lines with regard to the things 'not said', along with the facts actually given. This was the case of the 'nest of spies', though not unduly fussed by the news. We all have spies! They do; we do! He without sin ... can go casting stones."

"Press freedom is far too important to take for granted the way we seem to do here in Australia," writes Helen. "Seeing we are rated only at number 39, I was at first surprised, and then, remembering the times journalists have been denied stories for various reasons, it seems we have less press freedom than previously. As for thinking of those who filmed or reported from conflict zones, I am sure I am not alone in only really thinking about them when they are killed or injured, like those you mentioned, or arrested like Peter Greste. Thank you for challenging us with stories like this."

John writes: "Press freedom is key to an open society. You even have to tolerate the spew which emerges from the Murdoch stable, democracy's enemy. It's threatened by the fake news emerging from Meta's evil empire and other anti-social media. Not to mention draconian whistleblower retaliation by all governments here. An otherwise smart young man I met the other day says he gets his news by scrolling YouTube. What hope do we have?"

"That cartoon bloke again," writes Maggie. "David Pope is always spot on, and sometimes, like today, he makes me laugh out loud."

Deb admires and thanks those brave reporters who go into war zones. "Yes, I do think of the crews that do that, and all those people who try to provide food and relief to those civilians caught up in it all," she writes "Press freedom is incredibly important, but let's not forget there are some dodgy people in the press too. When a country targets correspondents, expels them or worse, it's confirmation to me they are hiding something. Unfortunately we do take it for granted here ... I might have to be like Bruce, Stuart and Phil from Tuesday and get off social media altogether and subscribe to respectable news providers."